Loneliness is wild

Hello.

I was just wondering.

I've been having some sort of a block for what seemed like ages, I had almost nothing to say & this has become the usual overwhelming status that hardly changes. I cannot tell the difference between the days anymore, they are strikingly similar & though not necessarily bad, they are just the same. Some people are meant to be loners. And no matter how many people talk to them, care about them or stick to them wherever they go; they are lonely minds, lonely people. Loneliness is wild, loneliness is the avalanche that falls upon you when you're least expecting it and it's surprisingly familiar even when it surprises you. Sometimes I just hate myself when Im silently staring at nothing in particular. Sometimes I just want to keep talking & laughing. Sometimes I just want to have fun like everybody does. I wish I knew what bounds me from the freedom Im entitled to enjoy, I wish I could tear off the invisible ties that surround me just to find out. I wish I were able to enclose golden sun rays in my bare hands & ask them why I've been feeling so lonely lately. Maybe they'd own up to the mystery.

But still, loners are loners.

Lighting or Thunder?

Hello.

I built ten thousand sandcastles in my head & watched them being run down by giant waves. I devised new spectra in the gray vacuum but they are sometimes engulfed by the blackness I couldnt force to go away.

The question; who am I? The me is complicated, I could be anything. I could be the cute short girl, or the shy helpful stranger you'd want to thank for being ridiculously sweet. I may play the angry rocker chick, & sometimes even the mysterious mean bitch you can't resist to slap on the face. I am a free cloud. I am what you see. I could be anyone I want at any given day. Maybe its a side effect to the turbulent moodiness I excel at. I can be easily shaped according to the day. I am confusing. I perplex myself above all. The hidden persona that keeps disguising in so many colors refuses to meet me. I am as messy as my posts, ideas & scattered voices, as contradicting as the silence before the storm. Again, who the fuck am I?

Got it,

Im Andrea Syairah.

The Cliques

Hello.

I miss Jacob & surprisingly I miss Joshua too.



This is the reason why I hate when school has end for the year. You dont really get the chance to hang out with your schoolmates because you have other friends who you also want to hang out with. I would seriously like my school friends & out-from-school-friends get along. But yeah, everyone has they own cliques, which sucks if you ask me.

Finally 14th (!)

Hello.



My birthday was indescribable. I had tons of fun with my friends.

Few hours before my birthday, I went to Sunway with Amy. Had a heart to heart with her : ') Heh. I love her to bits. Okay so anyway, on the way back home, Sonia called me & asked me to come to Live Loud party as soon as possible. So I had to pujuk Aizad to send me there, & surprisingly he did, hihi. I arrived the party right when the clock struck twelve. Aizad gave me a tight hug & wished me Happy Birthday, aww.

I think Sonia & Nadiah told most of the people there that it was my birthday, so macam God, they were so sweet to wish : ') Thnks guys. Lepaked at the party sampai three in the morning. Tak kisah lah kan even the party dah ended, at least there were people to hang with. Lol. I know its lame, but still I had tons of fun. After the party, we went to the Skate Park. Met Icky with her boyfriend. Then went back to Sonia's house about five, & slept at 6. Around 10 Sonia had to go to her musical rehearsal, so it was just Nadiah & I. Slept for just approximately four hours? Haha. We just lay down & talk like there was no tomorrow. Havent had tht with Nadiah since God knows when, sigh.

By 5.30 we went to the Skate Park again, but this time Ziany, Amirah, Zaiti & some others from Live Loud joined us : ) They sang Happy Birthday for me damn loud, & I swear to God everyone was staring at us like we were freaks. But I love my friends fr actually doing tht for me *melts*. Right then I joined Sonia at her musical rehearsal. Made some random friends. Haha. Went back to Sonia's house at 12. We lepaked in her toilet until two in the morning. No, we didnt make out nor had sex, HAHA. We talked. I think its seriously fun hanging in there. Despite the jamban, but yeah. I wish we could do tht again , Sonia :P

It felt so peaceful.

Anyhoo, to the people/new friends who celebrated with me, I thnk you fr actually spending your time humiliating yourself with my loudness -_- Haha, & to the people who wished me, THANK YOU!

I had fun, seriously.

This Month , would be the best.

HAPPY December PEOPLE (!)

Utter Awe

Hello.

I just couldnt accept the fact that most of my delighted friends will be busy & away for my birthday. Not to sound so ignorant, but it is not like how I imagined it would be, not at all. But what can I do? Macam lah dia orang tak ada hal lain. Haha. At least my family will be here for me. I thank God for that : ')

Anyway, Im in Adel's house with Aizad waiting for Amy to pick me up. She is approximately three hours late already. Should I call it off? Haha, no. Because I just want to get out from this house. I had enough staying in doing nothing for almost a day & a half. I swear, I could murder myself. Especially when Aizad's around. We would fight fight fight fight all the time. I got migraine already, thank you very much. But yeah, we're siblings & I still love him no matter what, aww. Haha.

I got to go now, catch cha soon , bitch!

1 Day

Perfect Sunlight

Hello.

Why would someone want to change their life? Why is everything so complicated? Everything just seems to lose its simplicity when I am around. Everything. I guess I dont know simple.

I wish it was just that easy.

I wish I were able to shape it into words ; the words are only imprisoned deep inside. I am not sure I even know them. Venting is not working, I couldnt arrange the vague letters ; whats inside is hidden & coated with invisible threads. If screaming were going to help moving the feelings out, I would have screamed. If I believed the tears would tell whats wrong, I would have let them drown my fears. But no. It wont do. How can somebody cure what they dont know? How can you grasp a feeling in your palms even if you know what is it?

Happy Sixteenth, Emylya!

Hello.


Today is the 29th of November, & its Azura Emylya's birthday! I've known her early 2009 in school to be exact. Its funny how the way we got close. She made the first move inviting me to tag along with some Form 4's to KL. But then it ended up just the both of us cause the rest had problems. Haha , we got along real well, which Im thankful for because she's seriously different than others ; super shrieking funny & never ending laughter. She is the most wise friend I've ever had, & she's like a mother to me. No offense, haha.

Sometimes she could be a pain in the ass for her awesome blurness. Its like you have to repeat fifteen times for her to capture every word you say. But still, I love her to bits! Even if we dont hang out like we used to nowadays, we'll still remain the same. Dont worry Emylya ♥

Happy sweet sixteenth birthday.